Life is too short...
* to let fear hold you back from the things you want in life
* to be annoyed at other people's shortcomings
* to not live life to the fullest
* to not embrace the present
* to not strive for the best
* to live in the past
* to be serious all the time
* to spend your life fulfilling someone else's dream
* to stay angry, or afraid, for that matter.
* to not try new things
* to watch other people dance
* to not make mistakes
* to not love with your whole heart
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I am
I was part of something amazing when I was in Taiwan. But it really didn't occur to me until later how amazing it was.
We were up in the mountains at a church retreat. Way, way up in the boonies; winding roads and clear streams of river. People that have lived there since who knows when. The bus ride up there alone was one of the MOST fun experiences I've had while I was in taiwan.
The whole lot of us were playing in the river; some of us sun bathing, others swimming, still others jumping off the rocks into the deep end of the river. We all tried to stay close together, as none of us really knew the river, and it was rapid and strong at certain points, places that we didn't know.
One of the younger boys that I grew up with in church was jumping off the rocks into the river. As he hit the water, he came up and started yelling, "HELP! HELP!"
there was a moment of silence. I think some of us were waiting for him to stop joking around and crack out a smile, maybe most of us. No one wanted this to be an authentic cry for help. Most of us were rationalizing as to what to do next. Most of us hesitated.
Before any of us fully understood what had happened, another person had jumped into the cold river. Not everyone had caught who it was that jumped in, but for those of us who had, we knew it was his older brother.
Their mother was standing right by the shore. Her heart sank.
He swam to his brother, and slowly, began to swim him back to shore. And just as abruptly as it started, it ended swiftly.
Except for the mother. Maybe it lasted an eternity for her.
We came to find out later on that the boy had been studying a lot for exams, and hadn't really had time to exercise or take care of himself, and apparently had a cramp in the cold water, and maybe had problem breathing.
When it first happened, I wondered if I wasn't as brave as I thought I was, or maybe I was really a coward. I wondered if I had known all the info, would I have acted differently?
But as time went on, I focused more and more on the things that did happen, and why they happened. I put myself in that position, and I realized that it probably wouldn't have happened any other way, because when it comes to recognizing someone's cry for help, there is no better person than a brother. There's not much rationalization that goes into risking your life to save your brother, it is instinctual, and thus the fastest. While the rest of us are still on "what's going on?", he has already assessed the situation, made the call, and jumped in.
And maybe it wasn't as methodical as I described it here, but the more I think about it, the more certain I am that it wouldn't have happened any other way, because the thought of losing that part of you is unbearable.
So you jump.
You are at your BEST when you have someone to protect.
Are you lucky enough to have someone that you love?
We were up in the mountains at a church retreat. Way, way up in the boonies; winding roads and clear streams of river. People that have lived there since who knows when. The bus ride up there alone was one of the MOST fun experiences I've had while I was in taiwan.
The whole lot of us were playing in the river; some of us sun bathing, others swimming, still others jumping off the rocks into the deep end of the river. We all tried to stay close together, as none of us really knew the river, and it was rapid and strong at certain points, places that we didn't know.
One of the younger boys that I grew up with in church was jumping off the rocks into the river. As he hit the water, he came up and started yelling, "HELP! HELP!"
there was a moment of silence. I think some of us were waiting for him to stop joking around and crack out a smile, maybe most of us. No one wanted this to be an authentic cry for help. Most of us were rationalizing as to what to do next. Most of us hesitated.
Before any of us fully understood what had happened, another person had jumped into the cold river. Not everyone had caught who it was that jumped in, but for those of us who had, we knew it was his older brother.
Their mother was standing right by the shore. Her heart sank.
He swam to his brother, and slowly, began to swim him back to shore. And just as abruptly as it started, it ended swiftly.
Except for the mother. Maybe it lasted an eternity for her.
We came to find out later on that the boy had been studying a lot for exams, and hadn't really had time to exercise or take care of himself, and apparently had a cramp in the cold water, and maybe had problem breathing.
When it first happened, I wondered if I wasn't as brave as I thought I was, or maybe I was really a coward. I wondered if I had known all the info, would I have acted differently?
But as time went on, I focused more and more on the things that did happen, and why they happened. I put myself in that position, and I realized that it probably wouldn't have happened any other way, because when it comes to recognizing someone's cry for help, there is no better person than a brother. There's not much rationalization that goes into risking your life to save your brother, it is instinctual, and thus the fastest. While the rest of us are still on "what's going on?", he has already assessed the situation, made the call, and jumped in.
And maybe it wasn't as methodical as I described it here, but the more I think about it, the more certain I am that it wouldn't have happened any other way, because the thought of losing that part of you is unbearable.
So you jump.
You are at your BEST when you have someone to protect.
Are you lucky enough to have someone that you love?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
What's your name?
You probably don't think your name as anything special. Heck, you've been using it for as long as you can remember, so why should you?
I have an english name, but I sort of picked that one. You might have an english name that your parents gave you. I also have a chinese name; one that I don't use much anymore. I've never thought much about it, I've always kind of understand what it meant, to me, that is.
For example, my name deals with, like, the four "principles" and eight "virtues" of chinese culture; stuff like honor, piety, kindness, loyalty, love. Stuff like that. I've never read that much into it. I just know how to write it on the piece of paper.
but like most things in life, they mean more when they're put into context.
there once was a girl, and there was a boy. They lived different lives and grew up in different families. Eventually, they grew up and met each other under the most inconspicuous setting. They would later on decide to commit to finding out about each other for the rest of their lives, for better or worse, in sickness or in health.
Now they're a couple, a pair in love, enjoying their new profound status as being married, no longer just young and beautiful, but also committed and dedicated; dedicated to each other and whatever that comes.
She becomes pregnant with a baby. They are scared shitless, anxious, happy, nervous, excited, afraid, more scared, scared that they don't know how to be parents, scared that they might mess it up, scared that they are not ready yet to bring a life into this world; there were no manuals included.
Hopeful. They were also hopeful. In fact, they joke about how their child might change the world, or how he might become the president, or how she might be the first female president, or how he will be a music genius and provide beautiful, soothing music for generations to come; music so smooth that thorns fall off the roses, music so beautiful that people weep.
But really, what they really hope is that he will turn out to be a good person; a person of good virtues, a good man.
"Please, God, let him grow up to be a good man"
So they pick a name, and they put all their hopes and dreams into this name, wishing, hoping that this name will somehow set their baby boy on the right path. In some ways, it is their first act claiming responsibility for bringing this child into this world; claiming ownership. You name things that belong to you. You name things what they are; You name things what you hope they will be.
I have an english name, but I sort of picked that one. You might have an english name that your parents gave you. I also have a chinese name; one that I don't use much anymore. I've never thought much about it, I've always kind of understand what it meant, to me, that is.
For example, my name deals with, like, the four "principles" and eight "virtues" of chinese culture; stuff like honor, piety, kindness, loyalty, love. Stuff like that. I've never read that much into it. I just know how to write it on the piece of paper.
but like most things in life, they mean more when they're put into context.
there once was a girl, and there was a boy. They lived different lives and grew up in different families. Eventually, they grew up and met each other under the most inconspicuous setting. They would later on decide to commit to finding out about each other for the rest of their lives, for better or worse, in sickness or in health.
Now they're a couple, a pair in love, enjoying their new profound status as being married, no longer just young and beautiful, but also committed and dedicated; dedicated to each other and whatever that comes.
She becomes pregnant with a baby. They are scared shitless, anxious, happy, nervous, excited, afraid, more scared, scared that they don't know how to be parents, scared that they might mess it up, scared that they are not ready yet to bring a life into this world; there were no manuals included.
Hopeful. They were also hopeful. In fact, they joke about how their child might change the world, or how he might become the president, or how she might be the first female president, or how he will be a music genius and provide beautiful, soothing music for generations to come; music so smooth that thorns fall off the roses, music so beautiful that people weep.
But really, what they really hope is that he will turn out to be a good person; a person of good virtues, a good man.
"Please, God, let him grow up to be a good man"
So they pick a name, and they put all their hopes and dreams into this name, wishing, hoping that this name will somehow set their baby boy on the right path. In some ways, it is their first act claiming responsibility for bringing this child into this world; claiming ownership. You name things that belong to you. You name things what they are; You name things what you hope they will be.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Two down, three to go
Just a quick quip about something I just noticed. I haven't really had time to make a quality post. But rest assured my faithful fans, it will come.
haha.
anyways, I was trying to add someone's # into my phone, and it said "SIM card full, storing into phone" and I was like, what? no, I don't want that. So i backed outta that shit and thought to myself, "well, I'll just delete some contacts that I never call anyways."
It is AMAZING who you have in your phones! Unworthy ppl (by unworthy i mean that i have no idea who they are) are in my contact list all over the place. Ok well maybe not all over the place, and I'm just looking at it and going, "who the hell is this?" Now, granted, when I first got my phone, i never put in ppl's last name, 'cause i'm like, eh, won't need it. Mistake. Anyways, it's hard to remember ppl by first names 'cause you end up meeting ppl with the same name. But even so, i had this one fella by the name of Dan Miller. Who the heck is dan miller? even when i put their last name down I STILL can't remember them.
and HOW THE HECK do i have 3 jennifers? I DO NOT know 3 jennifers. Jenny G is the only one that I can think off the top of my head. I vaguely remember putting one in when i picked someone up for something... OH, and does anyone even know a Naomi? I don't remember a Naomi at all, seriously. But I did keep her number, because I think "i moan" backwards is funny, haha ;]
Naomi sounds kinda exotic, hmm. It's too bad these things don't tell you when you first saved them as contacts.
ok gotta get my day started, have fun ppl.
haha.
anyways, I was trying to add someone's # into my phone, and it said "SIM card full, storing into phone" and I was like, what? no, I don't want that. So i backed outta that shit and thought to myself, "well, I'll just delete some contacts that I never call anyways."
It is AMAZING who you have in your phones! Unworthy ppl (by unworthy i mean that i have no idea who they are) are in my contact list all over the place. Ok well maybe not all over the place, and I'm just looking at it and going, "who the hell is this?" Now, granted, when I first got my phone, i never put in ppl's last name, 'cause i'm like, eh, won't need it. Mistake. Anyways, it's hard to remember ppl by first names 'cause you end up meeting ppl with the same name. But even so, i had this one fella by the name of Dan Miller. Who the heck is dan miller? even when i put their last name down I STILL can't remember them.
and HOW THE HECK do i have 3 jennifers? I DO NOT know 3 jennifers. Jenny G is the only one that I can think off the top of my head. I vaguely remember putting one in when i picked someone up for something... OH, and does anyone even know a Naomi? I don't remember a Naomi at all, seriously. But I did keep her number, because I think "i moan" backwards is funny, haha ;]
Naomi sounds kinda exotic, hmm. It's too bad these things don't tell you when you first saved them as contacts.
ok gotta get my day started, have fun ppl.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
... and yet SO beautiful
Back in the good ol' days when I was a full-pledge christian, I was always taught to not judge others, because we're all sinners.
and we are.
But as I decided to take a break from god, I found myself more and more willing to forgive others for their mistakes. That is to say, that I find myself more accepting of other's mistakes. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I got a DUI. That was a very pleasant experience, I recommend it to anyone with an open-mind and nothing to lose.
But seriously, it was an eye-opening experience. I found myself sitting on a bench, in the police station/holding area in the benton county courthouse, waiting to take my breathalyzer test. The cop was writing stuff down, another one in the back processing paperwork behind the counter, "please keep your hands away from your mouth," doing business like usual, they probably thought.
no more than 5 feet away was me, my mind running through the last 30 minutes of my life over and over again, wondering how I had gotten there; wondering how this will affect my potential career as a pharmacist; wondering if I would be jailed, and if so, for how long; wonder how I had become a "criminal" in the span of half an hour. "I haven't even attended my first class yet," I thought.
You really don't understand how much you have to lose, until you're on the verge of losing it all.
sometimes, sadly, after you've lost something.
some people look at you differently after they find out you're a DUI. You really find out who are your friends after you go through something like that. There are those that look at you different, like "I knew there was something about you I didn't like, and now I knew I was right". There also those that offer their condolences, and how bad they feel about it; then there are those that offer help w/o you asking, they do whatever they can think of and offer you possible solutions, even if they're not good, but they try anyways, because they just want to help.
Some people do stick with you through thick and thin. It's beautiful.
Other things have happened besides the DUI, but in general, I've been more forgiving of others who make a "mistake". It's actually easier than you think to dig yourself into a sticky situation, and I don't think most people know that. What I really have a problem with, is those christians that judge other's "sinfullness" as if they are not sinners themselves. The world is not as simple and easy for every, and some people don't understand that because they've been sheltered all their lives.
Of course, I'm not just talking about christians here, but true christians REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER, which is why I really have a problem with that. I'm sure people judge others all the time, and I do it too; i think it's hard not to, but I do think that the majority of us could benefit a lil from being a lil less judgmental. It really isn't that hard to make a mistake, and lucky for us, most of the mistakes we make are rather harmless. But there are those mistakes that stay with you for the rest of your life, and believe it or not, some of them are not that hard to make.
It's only human to err.
So take it easy on your friend who did something stupid that he/she will regret. Be supportive. Be positive. Take it easy on the next guy that you think have a vacuum machine stuck up his ass, maybe he really is having the shittiest day ever.
Take a step back, a deep breath, and don't let it bother you again.
Because life is too short...
and we are.
But as I decided to take a break from god, I found myself more and more willing to forgive others for their mistakes. That is to say, that I find myself more accepting of other's mistakes. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I got a DUI. That was a very pleasant experience, I recommend it to anyone with an open-mind and nothing to lose.
But seriously, it was an eye-opening experience. I found myself sitting on a bench, in the police station/holding area in the benton county courthouse, waiting to take my breathalyzer test. The cop was writing stuff down, another one in the back processing paperwork behind the counter, "please keep your hands away from your mouth," doing business like usual, they probably thought.
no more than 5 feet away was me, my mind running through the last 30 minutes of my life over and over again, wondering how I had gotten there; wondering how this will affect my potential career as a pharmacist; wondering if I would be jailed, and if so, for how long; wonder how I had become a "criminal" in the span of half an hour. "I haven't even attended my first class yet," I thought.
You really don't understand how much you have to lose, until you're on the verge of losing it all.
sometimes, sadly, after you've lost something.
some people look at you differently after they find out you're a DUI. You really find out who are your friends after you go through something like that. There are those that look at you different, like "I knew there was something about you I didn't like, and now I knew I was right". There also those that offer their condolences, and how bad they feel about it; then there are those that offer help w/o you asking, they do whatever they can think of and offer you possible solutions, even if they're not good, but they try anyways, because they just want to help.
Some people do stick with you through thick and thin. It's beautiful.
Other things have happened besides the DUI, but in general, I've been more forgiving of others who make a "mistake". It's actually easier than you think to dig yourself into a sticky situation, and I don't think most people know that. What I really have a problem with, is those christians that judge other's "sinfullness" as if they are not sinners themselves. The world is not as simple and easy for every, and some people don't understand that because they've been sheltered all their lives.
Of course, I'm not just talking about christians here, but true christians REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER, which is why I really have a problem with that. I'm sure people judge others all the time, and I do it too; i think it's hard not to, but I do think that the majority of us could benefit a lil from being a lil less judgmental. It really isn't that hard to make a mistake, and lucky for us, most of the mistakes we make are rather harmless. But there are those mistakes that stay with you for the rest of your life, and believe it or not, some of them are not that hard to make.
It's only human to err.
So take it easy on your friend who did something stupid that he/she will regret. Be supportive. Be positive. Take it easy on the next guy that you think have a vacuum machine stuck up his ass, maybe he really is having the shittiest day ever.
Take a step back, a deep breath, and don't let it bother you again.
Because life is too short...
Friday, January 11, 2008
A fantastic post-thursday night post
For anyone who's seen the show "I love new york 2" you must know that tailor made is a pussy.
He a bitch, fo sho.
He cannot possibly be a man. The only reason New York is staying with him is because either
1. She wants a puppy to play with
or
2. She's gonna dump him after a certain amount of time and then start another show again.
I'm sorry there is no way a girl can fall in love with that person. It is disgusting.
For that matter, some of the girls I know can do better than the guy they're with right now . Much better.
I don't know what it is that makes these girls settle. Perhaps it the lack of choice, or fear. Fear that they won't find someone better; but you know, fear will only make someone settle for second best. (if not worse)
I could go on and on about this, but I think my time is better spent on a shower and sleep for tomorrow.
We get to see Shannon! yay!
If I wake up, that is.
Jane is a poopyhead. Yep.
and I can't BELIEVE you guys didn't come in. It would've been so fun ;]
He a bitch, fo sho.
He cannot possibly be a man. The only reason New York is staying with him is because either
1. She wants a puppy to play with
or
2. She's gonna dump him after a certain amount of time and then start another show again.
I'm sorry there is no way a girl can fall in love with that person. It is disgusting.
For that matter, some of the girls I know can do better than the guy they're with right now . Much better.
I don't know what it is that makes these girls settle. Perhaps it the lack of choice, or fear. Fear that they won't find someone better; but you know, fear will only make someone settle for second best. (if not worse)
I could go on and on about this, but I think my time is better spent on a shower and sleep for tomorrow.
We get to see Shannon! yay!
If I wake up, that is.
Jane is a poopyhead. Yep.
and I can't BELIEVE you guys didn't come in. It would've been so fun ;]
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Resolutions
I usually don't make new year resolutions.
This year is a little different though. I actually need to make them. My super-awesome-journey codenamed BFG [Break.From.xxx] has inevitably led me to this place that I am finally somewhat unfamiliar. It was a long trek, and not an easy one at that. Then again, I guess it's never a smooth road when you try to turn your back on things you were taught growing up, things you lived, breathed, and fell asleep to.
Now that I am wherever-the-hell-i-am. I've decided to take a inventory of the things I've lost and gained:
Things lost:
* having something/someone to depend on whenever things got rough
* a set of rules
* some relationships (which suffered, perhaps not lost)
* serenity (but not totally, now I have to make my own)
* wisdom(?)(I might've drank this one away)
* other crap that I can't remember at the moment
Things gained:
* A new perspective on life
* Lack of rules, or, rather, I make them
* A greater capacity to forgive others who've done "wrong"
* freedom to inspect life from a 'secular' pov
* somewhat surprisingly, a little temper (this one could be related to something else, actually, more than likely is)
* other stuff
I'm not sure if these things offset each other on a balance, or if one set weighs more (on my soul) than the other. Still trying to find that out. But I think I can honestly say that I've become less-confident, less-happy, and less-peaceful. I don't use the antonyms and instead use the negatives because I think writing them [the antonyms] would actually make it seem like I am THAT much worse, when I don't think I am. I could be wrong, though.
Another thing I've been doing is writing vaguely, which is not really good practice. I think I do this when I hide. Perhaps I haven't internalized my feelings enough to feel at peace with them and comfortable enough to share with the whole world.
So I hide.
Anyways, without further ado, my current resolutions:
- write more
- read more
- work out at least twice a week[ this could get hard if i get behind in modules]
- love more
- be more open-minded
- laugh more
so expect more writings, more gibberish. Speaking of which, anyone who's capable of something new should check up on CCG every once in a while. Start here, and then discover her journey in your own ways. It's a beautiful read. Sad, but beautiful.
Have a good new years, and for those of you in college, a good first thursday ;]
This year is a little different though. I actually need to make them. My super-awesome-journey codenamed BFG [Break.From.xxx] has inevitably led me to this place that I am finally somewhat unfamiliar. It was a long trek, and not an easy one at that. Then again, I guess it's never a smooth road when you try to turn your back on things you were taught growing up, things you lived, breathed, and fell asleep to.
Now that I am wherever-the-hell-i-am. I've decided to take a inventory of the things I've lost and gained:
Things lost:
* having something/someone to depend on whenever things got rough
* a set of rules
* some relationships (which suffered, perhaps not lost)
* serenity (but not totally, now I have to make my own)
* wisdom(?)(I might've drank this one away)
* other crap that I can't remember at the moment
Things gained:
* A new perspective on life
* Lack of rules, or, rather, I make them
* A greater capacity to forgive others who've done "wrong"
* freedom to inspect life from a 'secular' pov
* somewhat surprisingly, a little temper (this one could be related to something else, actually, more than likely is)
* other stuff
I'm not sure if these things offset each other on a balance, or if one set weighs more (on my soul) than the other. Still trying to find that out. But I think I can honestly say that I've become less-confident, less-happy, and less-peaceful. I don't use the antonyms and instead use the negatives because I think writing them [the antonyms] would actually make it seem like I am THAT much worse, when I don't think I am. I could be wrong, though.
Another thing I've been doing is writing vaguely, which is not really good practice. I think I do this when I hide. Perhaps I haven't internalized my feelings enough to feel at peace with them and comfortable enough to share with the whole world.
So I hide.
Anyways, without further ado, my current resolutions:
- write more
- read more
- work out at least twice a week[ this could get hard if i get behind in modules]
- love more
- be more open-minded
- laugh more
so expect more writings, more gibberish. Speaking of which, anyone who's capable of something new should check up on CCG every once in a while. Start here, and then discover her journey in your own ways. It's a beautiful read. Sad, but beautiful.
Have a good new years, and for those of you in college, a good first thursday ;]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)