Sometimes I have these moments of clarity. These are times where I am fully conscious of the beauty surrounding me, conscious of how lucky I am to have the things I have, and most importantly, the beautiful people that I have in my life.
During these moments I am at peace. Often times music will help me gravitate toward this state. It is refreshing. I feel grateful for the people I have in my life, so, in no particular order...
D - My old friend, I am so happy for you. I feel that words are not adequate to express my happiness in this moment, but perhaps they are not needed. The beauty of communication between two man is in its simplicity. Often times a nod and eye contact will speak volumes. so perhaps we're ok here. I think that we understand each other perfectly. So yes, be happy.
M - I loved being with you, even though I felt you weren't always at ease with me. I think I walked on egg shells around you a bit, especially in the beginning, because I felt like you were uneasy. I never got to show you my favorite picture of you. Perhaps I will. It was the one where you looked happy walking. It wasn't so much the fact that you were smiling, but that I felt the picture captured a glimpse of your true essence. You looked free, unbound of the daily drudgery, and truly in the moment. Your smile said everything. I've seen in on occasions and it makes you the most beautiful person in the world. You really should wear that smile more. I wish you the best :)
B - You are an awesome sister-in-law. I love that you make David happy and gosh it was so difficult from the get-go for you. I applaud your persistence and I think you guys are lucky to have each other, and I'm glad it all worked out for THE best. And even though I feel like that sometimes you still cannot be yourself with me, I think that's ok. It'll come with time. I hope work is going ok and not too stressful. Take care and be good to yourself! :)
G - I think you've come a long way since the first time I met you. Yes, you're still a little misunderstood by some, but I think it's not a big deal. I do wish you have read some of the stuff I've regarding personal development. I should tell you this in person but I'll say it now: Don't be afraid to take up more space in this world. Look at people in the eye when you talk to them. You are awesome and other people should know it too.
L - I'm glad we reconnected. You are part of the reason for this post. I think there are certain things that don't need to be said between two people, and certain things that are better left unsaid. So without doing either of those two, let's just say that I'm happy that we can be friends again. Yes, it took me a long time. I'm pretty sure that is the the most understated way to put that. I believe in the feminine energy's ability to sharpen and revitalize the masculine counterpoint, and I think you are the perfect example in my life. I'm glad that you're happy. Happy is good. Stay happy. Fight for your happiness.
On another topic, I made a fear list today. Yes, a list of the things I fear. Not just things I have to do, but things that tenses me up when I think about them. I found it to be an extremely relaxing exercise. For some reason, after I spelled out all my fears on paper, I found that they seemed more manageable to me. It was probably because it was hard to keep track of them floating inside my head, but now that I have them in front of me, I can tackle each one specifically and keep track of my progress. It's a very little thing that's been pretty substantial for me and I'd recommend everyone to try it. Attack your fear list!
Alright my people, be good to yourself. Time for me to hit the hay. Until next time, be safe, be strong, be sexy!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
And when you get the chance...
There is something to be said about being conservative, in the most basic sense of the word. As in, holding back, and not risking to go to the extremes. It's a path that leads to the greatest chance of success of appeasing the masses.
I, of course, do not mean conservative in a strictly political context. Maybe what I really mean is not going to the extremes; middle-of-the-road, per se. I do feel that there are certain times it is a useful tool/state-of-mind, but lately, I've been become more and more wary of it.
I feel that it breeds mediocrity. Nevermind the un-progressiveness of it, but that while it is the safer option in most circumstances, it can be dangerous in others.
and what raised the issue for me was, of course, a girl. A particular girl named Sarah Kay, who prompted me to go through my drafts.
Yes, I have drafts on my blog that I didn't publish. Mostly because they were either unfinished or personal. But I happened to peruse through them, and gosh, there are some good ones. The really good ones were the ones where I was true to my feelings, not holding back, and probably thinking I was never going to publish them. And so it was in thinking that way, that those words became so beautiful, so raw and uninhibited, and personal. It was in thinking that I was invincible to hurt, that I created those lines.
And I understand why our society rewards stable incomes and safe bets, but I do wonder what this world would be like if we created a reality that actively fosters and encourages people to fiercely pursue their ambitions; a world where you can safely fail, in an epic fashion, on your nth attempt to express life through your lens.
Anyways, here's a little music for all you beautiful people to start off your day. Be safe, be strong, be sexy!
I, of course, do not mean conservative in a strictly political context. Maybe what I really mean is not going to the extremes; middle-of-the-road, per se. I do feel that there are certain times it is a useful tool/state-of-mind, but lately, I've been become more and more wary of it.
I feel that it breeds mediocrity. Nevermind the un-progressiveness of it, but that while it is the safer option in most circumstances, it can be dangerous in others.
and what raised the issue for me was, of course, a girl. A particular girl named Sarah Kay, who prompted me to go through my drafts.
Yes, I have drafts on my blog that I didn't publish. Mostly because they were either unfinished or personal. But I happened to peruse through them, and gosh, there are some good ones. The really good ones were the ones where I was true to my feelings, not holding back, and probably thinking I was never going to publish them. And so it was in thinking that way, that those words became so beautiful, so raw and uninhibited, and personal. It was in thinking that I was invincible to hurt, that I created those lines.
And I understand why our society rewards stable incomes and safe bets, but I do wonder what this world would be like if we created a reality that actively fosters and encourages people to fiercely pursue their ambitions; a world where you can safely fail, in an epic fashion, on your nth attempt to express life through your lens.
Anyways, here's a little music for all you beautiful people to start off your day. Be safe, be strong, be sexy!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
...It's a hard job, I know, but someone's gotta do it.
It's 2011! I guess I should at least make an annual post, seeing how I do still have this blog.
Now, the one of the most typical question you will get asked around this time of the year (not counting the various version of "did you get wastedddddd?") is:
"So, do you have any new year's resolution?"
I wasn't sure I wanted to make one, because, to be honest, I vividly remembering thinking that "2010 is gonna be a great year for me!" approximately...a year ago. While I'm not exactly sure why I felt that way at the time (I really should write in my journal more), I do remember thinking that, and you know what? 2010 was not my best year.
Not to say that any year should be my best, but I do feel that I could've done more. Or in some circumstances, less. I think that I've learned lessons from this year as well as my previously ones, but if I had to choose a word to describe this year, I would name it... "the year of apathy."
did you know that apathy was one of the original cardinal sins? yes, the cardinal sins, as you know, are not really mentioned in the bible anywhere, but they are more or less man-made, and apathy used to be one of them. (I forgot exactly what got switched out and all, interesting read if you want to google it, I'm sure)
Even though it is the year that I graduated from pharmacy school, it's really more what happened after school that deserves the title. I started caring more and more about only the necessities, and let my luxuries slide away. New clothes? nah, work most of the time anyways and I've got plenty of dress shirts (when was the last time we all really went out?) Good food? nah, I just need something that'll sustain my body and is at least wholesome-looking enough that I can rationalize not actually getting off my lazy butt and start cooking for myself. Anything that blings? nah, I'm just gonna save money, 'cause I really don't know what to with it anyways. Girls? eh, that alone deserves another post.
What I really spent money on after school ended was my new computer, which I got because I wanted to play starcraft 2. I guess you can count that toward something that I spoiled myself with, but for a while there, even that became sort of like a job. (I did spend such a ridiculous time on it).
It's funny how things work out, but dave told me about this taiwanese girl who was actually sc2 champion of the world (ok, maybe not, but it was like a 14 countries tournament). And the thing is, she is actually hot. I had never fully conceived the idea that a there can be a girl out there that likes starcraft as much as I do, and is good looking.
And it's not important that there is this girl out there who is hot and taiwanese and is good at sc2, but that the idea of her existing made me want to get up the next morning. I think it was exciting because it was me realizing that there is another person out there that I am attracted to, who is equally, if not more, passionate about something I am passionate about.
I've long since realized that it's unlikely to meet her in person, which was sad, but she helped me remember what is feels like to want to wake up each day and start my day, which is not something I've experienced in a long while (insert sad face here). I think it's good to want to wake up and start your day. It's good to feel passionate about something, anything, even if it's not the social norm, or even if other people you care about don't share the same views. So on that note, I will make a list of things I shall be passionate about this year:
1. Candace Bailey on AOTS. Because starting a list out with a girl is very me. And because while she is not olivia munn, she shouldn't have to be. She will wear her own shoe.
2. Being healthy. I've already went to the gym twice this week, and that is 2 times more than I've gone in the past 2 months, if not 3.
3. Starcraft, because it's not good to start then quit.
4. Enriching myself. with what? I don't know. Sounds sensual/slightly-gay? You betcha and I don't give a damn. All about absorbing positive energy and being a better person? *ding ding ding* tell him what he's won, Johnny!
I think I'll stop at 4. Too many things and I tend to lose focus, 4 is almost 3 too many (and you're probably wondering which one I would've picked if my list stopped at 1, I guess we'll never know).
I guess this means I better start paying more attention to pretty girls, maybe even *gasp* socialize with them, in the name of leading a passionate life, that is. Talk to beautiful girls, enjoy the beautiful contours of... their handbags, reel in the sight of their nurturing and supple... hands (yes, look up the definition of supple). I will do all this, in the name of leading a more passionate life...
Now, the one of the most typical question you will get asked around this time of the year (not counting the various version of "did you get wastedddddd?") is:
"So, do you have any new year's resolution?"
I wasn't sure I wanted to make one, because, to be honest, I vividly remembering thinking that "2010 is gonna be a great year for me!" approximately...a year ago. While I'm not exactly sure why I felt that way at the time (I really should write in my journal more), I do remember thinking that, and you know what? 2010 was not my best year.
Not to say that any year should be my best, but I do feel that I could've done more. Or in some circumstances, less. I think that I've learned lessons from this year as well as my previously ones, but if I had to choose a word to describe this year, I would name it... "the year of apathy."
did you know that apathy was one of the original cardinal sins? yes, the cardinal sins, as you know, are not really mentioned in the bible anywhere, but they are more or less man-made, and apathy used to be one of them. (I forgot exactly what got switched out and all, interesting read if you want to google it, I'm sure)
Even though it is the year that I graduated from pharmacy school, it's really more what happened after school that deserves the title. I started caring more and more about only the necessities, and let my luxuries slide away. New clothes? nah, work most of the time anyways and I've got plenty of dress shirts (when was the last time we all really went out?) Good food? nah, I just need something that'll sustain my body and is at least wholesome-looking enough that I can rationalize not actually getting off my lazy butt and start cooking for myself. Anything that blings? nah, I'm just gonna save money, 'cause I really don't know what to with it anyways. Girls? eh, that alone deserves another post.
What I really spent money on after school ended was my new computer, which I got because I wanted to play starcraft 2. I guess you can count that toward something that I spoiled myself with, but for a while there, even that became sort of like a job. (I did spend such a ridiculous time on it).
It's funny how things work out, but dave told me about this taiwanese girl who was actually sc2 champion of the world (ok, maybe not, but it was like a 14 countries tournament). And the thing is, she is actually hot. I had never fully conceived the idea that a there can be a girl out there that likes starcraft as much as I do, and is good looking.
And it's not important that there is this girl out there who is hot and taiwanese and is good at sc2, but that the idea of her existing made me want to get up the next morning. I think it was exciting because it was me realizing that there is another person out there that I am attracted to, who is equally, if not more, passionate about something I am passionate about.
I've long since realized that it's unlikely to meet her in person, which was sad, but she helped me remember what is feels like to want to wake up each day and start my day, which is not something I've experienced in a long while (insert sad face here). I think it's good to want to wake up and start your day. It's good to feel passionate about something, anything, even if it's not the social norm, or even if other people you care about don't share the same views. So on that note, I will make a list of things I shall be passionate about this year:
1. Candace Bailey on AOTS. Because starting a list out with a girl is very me. And because while she is not olivia munn, she shouldn't have to be. She will wear her own shoe.
2. Being healthy. I've already went to the gym twice this week, and that is 2 times more than I've gone in the past 2 months, if not 3.
3. Starcraft, because it's not good to start then quit.
4. Enriching myself. with what? I don't know. Sounds sensual/slightly-gay? You betcha and I don't give a damn. All about absorbing positive energy and being a better person? *ding ding ding* tell him what he's won, Johnny!
I think I'll stop at 4. Too many things and I tend to lose focus, 4 is almost 3 too many (and you're probably wondering which one I would've picked if my list stopped at 1, I guess we'll never know).
I guess this means I better start paying more attention to pretty girls, maybe even *gasp* socialize with them, in the name of leading a passionate life, that is. Talk to beautiful girls, enjoy the beautiful contours of... their handbags, reel in the sight of their nurturing and supple... hands (yes, look up the definition of supple). I will do all this, in the name of leading a more passionate life...
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