Resolutions

I usually don't make new year resolutions.

This year is a little different though. I actually need to make them. My super-awesome-journey codenamed BFG [Break.From.xxx] has inevitably led me to this place that I am finally somewhat unfamiliar. It was a long trek, and not an easy one at that. Then again, I guess it's never a smooth road when you try to turn your back on things you were taught growing up, things you lived, breathed, and fell asleep to.

Now that I am wherever-the-hell-i-am. I've decided to take a inventory of the things I've lost and gained:

Things lost:

* having something/someone to depend on whenever things got rough
* a set of rules
* some relationships (which suffered, perhaps not lost)
* serenity (but not totally, now I have to make my own)
* wisdom(?)(I might've drank this one away)
* other crap that I can't remember at the moment

Things gained:

* A new perspective on life
* Lack of rules, or, rather, I make them
* A greater capacity to forgive others who've done "wrong"
* freedom to inspect life from a 'secular' pov
* somewhat surprisingly, a little temper (this one could be related to something else, actually, more than likely is)
* other stuff

I'm not sure if these things offset each other on a balance, or if one set weighs more (on my soul) than the other. Still trying to find that out. But I think I can honestly say that I've become less-confident, less-happy, and less-peaceful. I don't use the antonyms and instead use the negatives because I think writing them [the antonyms] would actually make it seem like I am THAT much worse, when I don't think I am. I could be wrong, though.

Another thing I've been doing is writing vaguely, which is not really good practice. I think I do this when I hide. Perhaps I haven't internalized my feelings enough to feel at peace with them and comfortable enough to share with the whole world.

So I hide.

Anyways, without further ado, my current resolutions:

- write more
- read more
- work out at least twice a week[ this could get hard if i get behind in modules]
- love more
- be more open-minded
- laugh more

so expect more writings, more gibberish. Speaking of which, anyone who's capable of something new should check up on CCG every once in a while. Start here, and then discover her journey in your own ways. It's a beautiful read. Sad, but beautiful.

Have a good new years, and for those of you in college, a good first thursday ;]