It's so hard.
to say goodbye.
to yesterday.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
... and yet SO beautiful
Back in the good ol' days when I was a full-pledge christian, I was always taught to not judge others, because we're all sinners.
and we are.
But as I decided to take a break from god, I found myself more and more willing to forgive others for their mistakes. That is to say, that I find myself more accepting of other's mistakes. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I got a DUI. That was a very pleasant experience, I recommend it to anyone with an open-mind and nothing to lose.
But seriously, it was an eye-opening experience. I found myself sitting on a bench, in the police station/holding area in the benton county courthouse, waiting to take my breathalyzer test. The cop was writing stuff down, another one in the back processing paperwork behind the counter, "please keep your hands away from your mouth," doing business like usual, they probably thought.
no more than 5 feet away was me, my mind running through the last 30 minutes of my life over and over again, wondering how I had gotten there; wondering how this will affect my potential career as a pharmacist; wondering if I would be jailed, and if so, for how long; wonder how I had become a "criminal" in the span of half an hour. "I haven't even attended my first class yet," I thought.
You really don't understand how much you have to lose, until you're on the verge of losing it all.
sometimes, sadly, after you've lost something.
some people look at you differently after they find out you're a DUI. You really find out who are your friends after you go through something like that. There are those that look at you different, like "I knew there was something about you I didn't like, and now I knew I was right". There also those that offer their condolences, and how bad they feel about it; then there are those that offer help w/o you asking, they do whatever they can think of and offer you possible solutions, even if they're not good, but they try anyways, because they just want to help.
Some people do stick with you through thick and thin. It's beautiful.
Other things have happened besides the DUI, but in general, I've been more forgiving of others who make a "mistake". It's actually easier than you think to dig yourself into a sticky situation, and I don't think most people know that. What I really have a problem with, is those christians that judge other's "sinfullness" as if they are not sinners themselves. The world is not as simple and easy for every, and some people don't understand that because they've been sheltered all their lives.
Of course, I'm not just talking about christians here, but true christians REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER, which is why I really have a problem with that. I'm sure people judge others all the time, and I do it too; i think it's hard not to, but I do think that the majority of us could benefit a lil from being a lil less judgmental. It really isn't that hard to make a mistake, and lucky for us, most of the mistakes we make are rather harmless. But there are those mistakes that stay with you for the rest of your life, and believe it or not, some of them are not that hard to make.
It's only human to err.
So take it easy on your friend who did something stupid that he/she will regret. Be supportive. Be positive. Take it easy on the next guy that you think have a vacuum machine stuck up his ass, maybe he really is having the shittiest day ever.
Take a step back, a deep breath, and don't let it bother you again.
Because life is too short...
and we are.
But as I decided to take a break from god, I found myself more and more willing to forgive others for their mistakes. That is to say, that I find myself more accepting of other's mistakes. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I got a DUI. That was a very pleasant experience, I recommend it to anyone with an open-mind and nothing to lose.
But seriously, it was an eye-opening experience. I found myself sitting on a bench, in the police station/holding area in the benton county courthouse, waiting to take my breathalyzer test. The cop was writing stuff down, another one in the back processing paperwork behind the counter, "please keep your hands away from your mouth," doing business like usual, they probably thought.
no more than 5 feet away was me, my mind running through the last 30 minutes of my life over and over again, wondering how I had gotten there; wondering how this will affect my potential career as a pharmacist; wondering if I would be jailed, and if so, for how long; wonder how I had become a "criminal" in the span of half an hour. "I haven't even attended my first class yet," I thought.
You really don't understand how much you have to lose, until you're on the verge of losing it all.
sometimes, sadly, after you've lost something.
some people look at you differently after they find out you're a DUI. You really find out who are your friends after you go through something like that. There are those that look at you different, like "I knew there was something about you I didn't like, and now I knew I was right". There also those that offer their condolences, and how bad they feel about it; then there are those that offer help w/o you asking, they do whatever they can think of and offer you possible solutions, even if they're not good, but they try anyways, because they just want to help.
Some people do stick with you through thick and thin. It's beautiful.
Other things have happened besides the DUI, but in general, I've been more forgiving of others who make a "mistake". It's actually easier than you think to dig yourself into a sticky situation, and I don't think most people know that. What I really have a problem with, is those christians that judge other's "sinfullness" as if they are not sinners themselves. The world is not as simple and easy for every, and some people don't understand that because they've been sheltered all their lives.
Of course, I'm not just talking about christians here, but true christians REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER, which is why I really have a problem with that. I'm sure people judge others all the time, and I do it too; i think it's hard not to, but I do think that the majority of us could benefit a lil from being a lil less judgmental. It really isn't that hard to make a mistake, and lucky for us, most of the mistakes we make are rather harmless. But there are those mistakes that stay with you for the rest of your life, and believe it or not, some of them are not that hard to make.
It's only human to err.
So take it easy on your friend who did something stupid that he/she will regret. Be supportive. Be positive. Take it easy on the next guy that you think have a vacuum machine stuck up his ass, maybe he really is having the shittiest day ever.
Take a step back, a deep breath, and don't let it bother you again.
Because life is too short...
Friday, January 11, 2008
A fantastic post-thursday night post
For anyone who's seen the show "I love new york 2" you must know that tailor made is a pussy.
He a bitch, fo sho.
He cannot possibly be a man. The only reason New York is staying with him is because either
1. She wants a puppy to play with
or
2. She's gonna dump him after a certain amount of time and then start another show again.
I'm sorry there is no way a girl can fall in love with that person. It is disgusting.
For that matter, some of the girls I know can do better than the guy they're with right now . Much better.
I don't know what it is that makes these girls settle. Perhaps it the lack of choice, or fear. Fear that they won't find someone better; but you know, fear will only make someone settle for second best. (if not worse)
I could go on and on about this, but I think my time is better spent on a shower and sleep for tomorrow.
We get to see Shannon! yay!
If I wake up, that is.
Jane is a poopyhead. Yep.
and I can't BELIEVE you guys didn't come in. It would've been so fun ;]
He a bitch, fo sho.
He cannot possibly be a man. The only reason New York is staying with him is because either
1. She wants a puppy to play with
or
2. She's gonna dump him after a certain amount of time and then start another show again.
I'm sorry there is no way a girl can fall in love with that person. It is disgusting.
For that matter, some of the girls I know can do better than the guy they're with right now . Much better.
I don't know what it is that makes these girls settle. Perhaps it the lack of choice, or fear. Fear that they won't find someone better; but you know, fear will only make someone settle for second best. (if not worse)
I could go on and on about this, but I think my time is better spent on a shower and sleep for tomorrow.
We get to see Shannon! yay!
If I wake up, that is.
Jane is a poopyhead. Yep.
and I can't BELIEVE you guys didn't come in. It would've been so fun ;]
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Resolutions
I usually don't make new year resolutions.
This year is a little different though. I actually need to make them. My super-awesome-journey codenamed BFG [Break.From.xxx] has inevitably led me to this place that I am finally somewhat unfamiliar. It was a long trek, and not an easy one at that. Then again, I guess it's never a smooth road when you try to turn your back on things you were taught growing up, things you lived, breathed, and fell asleep to.
Now that I am wherever-the-hell-i-am. I've decided to take a inventory of the things I've lost and gained:
Things lost:
* having something/someone to depend on whenever things got rough
* a set of rules
* some relationships (which suffered, perhaps not lost)
* serenity (but not totally, now I have to make my own)
* wisdom(?)(I might've drank this one away)
* other crap that I can't remember at the moment
Things gained:
* A new perspective on life
* Lack of rules, or, rather, I make them
* A greater capacity to forgive others who've done "wrong"
* freedom to inspect life from a 'secular' pov
* somewhat surprisingly, a little temper (this one could be related to something else, actually, more than likely is)
* other stuff
I'm not sure if these things offset each other on a balance, or if one set weighs more (on my soul) than the other. Still trying to find that out. But I think I can honestly say that I've become less-confident, less-happy, and less-peaceful. I don't use the antonyms and instead use the negatives because I think writing them [the antonyms] would actually make it seem like I am THAT much worse, when I don't think I am. I could be wrong, though.
Another thing I've been doing is writing vaguely, which is not really good practice. I think I do this when I hide. Perhaps I haven't internalized my feelings enough to feel at peace with them and comfortable enough to share with the whole world.
So I hide.
Anyways, without further ado, my current resolutions:
- write more
- read more
- work out at least twice a week[ this could get hard if i get behind in modules]
- love more
- be more open-minded
- laugh more
so expect more writings, more gibberish. Speaking of which, anyone who's capable of something new should check up on CCG every once in a while. Start here, and then discover her journey in your own ways. It's a beautiful read. Sad, but beautiful.
Have a good new years, and for those of you in college, a good first thursday ;]
This year is a little different though. I actually need to make them. My super-awesome-journey codenamed BFG [Break.From.xxx] has inevitably led me to this place that I am finally somewhat unfamiliar. It was a long trek, and not an easy one at that. Then again, I guess it's never a smooth road when you try to turn your back on things you were taught growing up, things you lived, breathed, and fell asleep to.
Now that I am wherever-the-hell-i-am. I've decided to take a inventory of the things I've lost and gained:
Things lost:
* having something/someone to depend on whenever things got rough
* a set of rules
* some relationships (which suffered, perhaps not lost)
* serenity (but not totally, now I have to make my own)
* wisdom(?)(I might've drank this one away)
* other crap that I can't remember at the moment
Things gained:
* A new perspective on life
* Lack of rules, or, rather, I make them
* A greater capacity to forgive others who've done "wrong"
* freedom to inspect life from a 'secular' pov
* somewhat surprisingly, a little temper (this one could be related to something else, actually, more than likely is)
* other stuff
I'm not sure if these things offset each other on a balance, or if one set weighs more (on my soul) than the other. Still trying to find that out. But I think I can honestly say that I've become less-confident, less-happy, and less-peaceful. I don't use the antonyms and instead use the negatives because I think writing them [the antonyms] would actually make it seem like I am THAT much worse, when I don't think I am. I could be wrong, though.
Another thing I've been doing is writing vaguely, which is not really good practice. I think I do this when I hide. Perhaps I haven't internalized my feelings enough to feel at peace with them and comfortable enough to share with the whole world.
So I hide.
Anyways, without further ado, my current resolutions:
- write more
- read more
- work out at least twice a week[ this could get hard if i get behind in modules]
- love more
- be more open-minded
- laugh more
so expect more writings, more gibberish. Speaking of which, anyone who's capable of something new should check up on CCG every once in a while. Start here, and then discover her journey in your own ways. It's a beautiful read. Sad, but beautiful.
Have a good new years, and for those of you in college, a good first thursday ;]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)