Since it's been so long since I've written, I figured I'll just free-write and see where things take me.
Currently something that has really been bugging me is the idea of settling for less, or rather, mediocrity. I really hate mediocrity. I hate how infinitely devoid of potential it is. It is like a black hole that just sucks in potential to be great. I hate it when people settle for just enough. I realize people often look for the greatest return with minimal effort, but I feel that even though it is efficient, it makes you weak; it makes you complacent, stagnant, inflexible, unable to adapt to change. It encourages a slow but inevitable death - one that does not involve any sort of significant contribution to society, just a quiet, regretful death that involves the leaving of the last remaining voice of striving for excellence in your soul.
I'm sort of very old-fashioned in that I expect more from males. I do not think females are less capable of greatness, but I come from a place where I will absolutely be a provider for my family and friends, and I expect nothing less of myself than that. I am not saying that I am currently achieving my goals, but my disdain for other males not actively trying to strive for the best is still very strong inside my soul. I won't pretend to understand all the different situations that someone might have to go through, and though I do believe that there are certain individuals that need more help than others, there is a vast majority of guys that are not living up to their potentials. Lots of nice guys out there complain about not finding the right girl, and a big part of it is that among the many things girls are attracted to, one of them is drive - the desire to excel in life; not just be good, or even excellent, but to excel past your own records, and to continue pushing through and making progress. I know there are guys out there that thinks having a stable job and a house is part of being attractive, and it is, but the girls instinctively understand how persistence and plowing through obstacles is part of being masculine, and they're attracted to that. There is something to be said about having determination in your course of action in this fast-paced changing world, irregardless of whether or not your actions are right; it suggest that because this person has such a strong certainty in their mind that they will succeed, that they probably will.
Which kind of segues into the idea of "ship it," which is something that I've been reading about in a book called "Poke the Box." The book talks about initiating things, and following through on your commitments, but mostly about starting projects, being the person to start things, and fixing/refining your approach once you've shipped the product. It talks about how it often is hard to just initiate anything, but once things get rolling, things get much easier. I suppose this ties into the idea of momentum, but that is a whole other topic. While this is not a perfect post, and really quite choppy and having no focus, I am going to try and follow through on my commitment to start something, and finishing it.
So here I am, it's...
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Monday, September 26, 2011
Grace
Sometimes I have these moments of clarity. These are times where I am fully conscious of the beauty surrounding me, conscious of how lucky I am to have the things I have, and most importantly, the beautiful people that I have in my life.
During these moments I am at peace. Often times music will help me gravitate toward this state. It is refreshing. I feel grateful for the people I have in my life, so, in no particular order...
D - My old friend, I am so happy for you. I feel that words are not adequate to express my happiness in this moment, but perhaps they are not needed. The beauty of communication between two man is in its simplicity. Often times a nod and eye contact will speak volumes. so perhaps we're ok here. I think that we understand each other perfectly. So yes, be happy.
M - I loved being with you, even though I felt you weren't always at ease with me. I think I walked on egg shells around you a bit, especially in the beginning, because I felt like you were uneasy. I never got to show you my favorite picture of you. Perhaps I will. It was the one where you looked happy walking. It wasn't so much the fact that you were smiling, but that I felt the picture captured a glimpse of your true essence. You looked free, unbound of the daily drudgery, and truly in the moment. Your smile said everything. I've seen in on occasions and it makes you the most beautiful person in the world. You really should wear that smile more. I wish you the best :)
B - You are an awesome sister-in-law. I love that you make David happy and gosh it was so difficult from the get-go for you. I applaud your persistence and I think you guys are lucky to have each other, and I'm glad it all worked out for THE best. And even though I feel like that sometimes you still cannot be yourself with me, I think that's ok. It'll come with time. I hope work is going ok and not too stressful. Take care and be good to yourself! :)
G - I think you've come a long way since the first time I met you. Yes, you're still a little misunderstood by some, but I think it's not a big deal. I do wish you have read some of the stuff I've regarding personal development. I should tell you this in person but I'll say it now: Don't be afraid to take up more space in this world. Look at people in the eye when you talk to them. You are awesome and other people should know it too.
L - I'm glad we reconnected. You are part of the reason for this post. I think there are certain things that don't need to be said between two people, and certain things that are better left unsaid. So without doing either of those two, let's just say that I'm happy that we can be friends again. Yes, it took me a long time. I'm pretty sure that is the the most understated way to put that. I believe in the feminine energy's ability to sharpen and revitalize the masculine counterpoint, and I think you are the perfect example in my life. I'm glad that you're happy. Happy is good. Stay happy. Fight for your happiness.
On another topic, I made a fear list today. Yes, a list of the things I fear. Not just things I have to do, but things that tenses me up when I think about them. I found it to be an extremely relaxing exercise. For some reason, after I spelled out all my fears on paper, I found that they seemed more manageable to me. It was probably because it was hard to keep track of them floating inside my head, but now that I have them in front of me, I can tackle each one specifically and keep track of my progress. It's a very little thing that's been pretty substantial for me and I'd recommend everyone to try it. Attack your fear list!
Alright my people, be good to yourself. Time for me to hit the hay. Until next time, be safe, be strong, be sexy!
During these moments I am at peace. Often times music will help me gravitate toward this state. It is refreshing. I feel grateful for the people I have in my life, so, in no particular order...
D - My old friend, I am so happy for you. I feel that words are not adequate to express my happiness in this moment, but perhaps they are not needed. The beauty of communication between two man is in its simplicity. Often times a nod and eye contact will speak volumes. so perhaps we're ok here. I think that we understand each other perfectly. So yes, be happy.
M - I loved being with you, even though I felt you weren't always at ease with me. I think I walked on egg shells around you a bit, especially in the beginning, because I felt like you were uneasy. I never got to show you my favorite picture of you. Perhaps I will. It was the one where you looked happy walking. It wasn't so much the fact that you were smiling, but that I felt the picture captured a glimpse of your true essence. You looked free, unbound of the daily drudgery, and truly in the moment. Your smile said everything. I've seen in on occasions and it makes you the most beautiful person in the world. You really should wear that smile more. I wish you the best :)
B - You are an awesome sister-in-law. I love that you make David happy and gosh it was so difficult from the get-go for you. I applaud your persistence and I think you guys are lucky to have each other, and I'm glad it all worked out for THE best. And even though I feel like that sometimes you still cannot be yourself with me, I think that's ok. It'll come with time. I hope work is going ok and not too stressful. Take care and be good to yourself! :)
G - I think you've come a long way since the first time I met you. Yes, you're still a little misunderstood by some, but I think it's not a big deal. I do wish you have read some of the stuff I've regarding personal development. I should tell you this in person but I'll say it now: Don't be afraid to take up more space in this world. Look at people in the eye when you talk to them. You are awesome and other people should know it too.
L - I'm glad we reconnected. You are part of the reason for this post. I think there are certain things that don't need to be said between two people, and certain things that are better left unsaid. So without doing either of those two, let's just say that I'm happy that we can be friends again. Yes, it took me a long time. I'm pretty sure that is the the most understated way to put that. I believe in the feminine energy's ability to sharpen and revitalize the masculine counterpoint, and I think you are the perfect example in my life. I'm glad that you're happy. Happy is good. Stay happy. Fight for your happiness.
On another topic, I made a fear list today. Yes, a list of the things I fear. Not just things I have to do, but things that tenses me up when I think about them. I found it to be an extremely relaxing exercise. For some reason, after I spelled out all my fears on paper, I found that they seemed more manageable to me. It was probably because it was hard to keep track of them floating inside my head, but now that I have them in front of me, I can tackle each one specifically and keep track of my progress. It's a very little thing that's been pretty substantial for me and I'd recommend everyone to try it. Attack your fear list!
Alright my people, be good to yourself. Time for me to hit the hay. Until next time, be safe, be strong, be sexy!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
And when you get the chance...
There is something to be said about being conservative, in the most basic sense of the word. As in, holding back, and not risking to go to the extremes. It's a path that leads to the greatest chance of success of appeasing the masses.
I, of course, do not mean conservative in a strictly political context. Maybe what I really mean is not going to the extremes; middle-of-the-road, per se. I do feel that there are certain times it is a useful tool/state-of-mind, but lately, I've been become more and more wary of it.
I feel that it breeds mediocrity. Nevermind the un-progressiveness of it, but that while it is the safer option in most circumstances, it can be dangerous in others.
and what raised the issue for me was, of course, a girl. A particular girl named Sarah Kay, who prompted me to go through my drafts.
Yes, I have drafts on my blog that I didn't publish. Mostly because they were either unfinished or personal. But I happened to peruse through them, and gosh, there are some good ones. The really good ones were the ones where I was true to my feelings, not holding back, and probably thinking I was never going to publish them. And so it was in thinking that way, that those words became so beautiful, so raw and uninhibited, and personal. It was in thinking that I was invincible to hurt, that I created those lines.
And I understand why our society rewards stable incomes and safe bets, but I do wonder what this world would be like if we created a reality that actively fosters and encourages people to fiercely pursue their ambitions; a world where you can safely fail, in an epic fashion, on your nth attempt to express life through your lens.
Anyways, here's a little music for all you beautiful people to start off your day. Be safe, be strong, be sexy!
I, of course, do not mean conservative in a strictly political context. Maybe what I really mean is not going to the extremes; middle-of-the-road, per se. I do feel that there are certain times it is a useful tool/state-of-mind, but lately, I've been become more and more wary of it.
I feel that it breeds mediocrity. Nevermind the un-progressiveness of it, but that while it is the safer option in most circumstances, it can be dangerous in others.
and what raised the issue for me was, of course, a girl. A particular girl named Sarah Kay, who prompted me to go through my drafts.
Yes, I have drafts on my blog that I didn't publish. Mostly because they were either unfinished or personal. But I happened to peruse through them, and gosh, there are some good ones. The really good ones were the ones where I was true to my feelings, not holding back, and probably thinking I was never going to publish them. And so it was in thinking that way, that those words became so beautiful, so raw and uninhibited, and personal. It was in thinking that I was invincible to hurt, that I created those lines.
And I understand why our society rewards stable incomes and safe bets, but I do wonder what this world would be like if we created a reality that actively fosters and encourages people to fiercely pursue their ambitions; a world where you can safely fail, in an epic fashion, on your nth attempt to express life through your lens.
Anyways, here's a little music for all you beautiful people to start off your day. Be safe, be strong, be sexy!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
...It's a hard job, I know, but someone's gotta do it.
It's 2011! I guess I should at least make an annual post, seeing how I do still have this blog.
Now, the one of the most typical question you will get asked around this time of the year (not counting the various version of "did you get wastedddddd?") is:
"So, do you have any new year's resolution?"
I wasn't sure I wanted to make one, because, to be honest, I vividly remembering thinking that "2010 is gonna be a great year for me!" approximately...a year ago. While I'm not exactly sure why I felt that way at the time (I really should write in my journal more), I do remember thinking that, and you know what? 2010 was not my best year.
Not to say that any year should be my best, but I do feel that I could've done more. Or in some circumstances, less. I think that I've learned lessons from this year as well as my previously ones, but if I had to choose a word to describe this year, I would name it... "the year of apathy."
did you know that apathy was one of the original cardinal sins? yes, the cardinal sins, as you know, are not really mentioned in the bible anywhere, but they are more or less man-made, and apathy used to be one of them. (I forgot exactly what got switched out and all, interesting read if you want to google it, I'm sure)
Even though it is the year that I graduated from pharmacy school, it's really more what happened after school that deserves the title. I started caring more and more about only the necessities, and let my luxuries slide away. New clothes? nah, work most of the time anyways and I've got plenty of dress shirts (when was the last time we all really went out?) Good food? nah, I just need something that'll sustain my body and is at least wholesome-looking enough that I can rationalize not actually getting off my lazy butt and start cooking for myself. Anything that blings? nah, I'm just gonna save money, 'cause I really don't know what to with it anyways. Girls? eh, that alone deserves another post.
What I really spent money on after school ended was my new computer, which I got because I wanted to play starcraft 2. I guess you can count that toward something that I spoiled myself with, but for a while there, even that became sort of like a job. (I did spend such a ridiculous time on it).
It's funny how things work out, but dave told me about this taiwanese girl who was actually sc2 champion of the world (ok, maybe not, but it was like a 14 countries tournament). And the thing is, she is actually hot. I had never fully conceived the idea that a there can be a girl out there that likes starcraft as much as I do, and is good looking.
And it's not important that there is this girl out there who is hot and taiwanese and is good at sc2, but that the idea of her existing made me want to get up the next morning. I think it was exciting because it was me realizing that there is another person out there that I am attracted to, who is equally, if not more, passionate about something I am passionate about.
I've long since realized that it's unlikely to meet her in person, which was sad, but she helped me remember what is feels like to want to wake up each day and start my day, which is not something I've experienced in a long while (insert sad face here). I think it's good to want to wake up and start your day. It's good to feel passionate about something, anything, even if it's not the social norm, or even if other people you care about don't share the same views. So on that note, I will make a list of things I shall be passionate about this year:
1. Candace Bailey on AOTS. Because starting a list out with a girl is very me. And because while she is not olivia munn, she shouldn't have to be. She will wear her own shoe.
2. Being healthy. I've already went to the gym twice this week, and that is 2 times more than I've gone in the past 2 months, if not 3.
3. Starcraft, because it's not good to start then quit.
4. Enriching myself. with what? I don't know. Sounds sensual/slightly-gay? You betcha and I don't give a damn. All about absorbing positive energy and being a better person? *ding ding ding* tell him what he's won, Johnny!
I think I'll stop at 4. Too many things and I tend to lose focus, 4 is almost 3 too many (and you're probably wondering which one I would've picked if my list stopped at 1, I guess we'll never know).
I guess this means I better start paying more attention to pretty girls, maybe even *gasp* socialize with them, in the name of leading a passionate life, that is. Talk to beautiful girls, enjoy the beautiful contours of... their handbags, reel in the sight of their nurturing and supple... hands (yes, look up the definition of supple). I will do all this, in the name of leading a more passionate life...
Now, the one of the most typical question you will get asked around this time of the year (not counting the various version of "did you get wastedddddd?") is:
"So, do you have any new year's resolution?"
I wasn't sure I wanted to make one, because, to be honest, I vividly remembering thinking that "2010 is gonna be a great year for me!" approximately...a year ago. While I'm not exactly sure why I felt that way at the time (I really should write in my journal more), I do remember thinking that, and you know what? 2010 was not my best year.
Not to say that any year should be my best, but I do feel that I could've done more. Or in some circumstances, less. I think that I've learned lessons from this year as well as my previously ones, but if I had to choose a word to describe this year, I would name it... "the year of apathy."
did you know that apathy was one of the original cardinal sins? yes, the cardinal sins, as you know, are not really mentioned in the bible anywhere, but they are more or less man-made, and apathy used to be one of them. (I forgot exactly what got switched out and all, interesting read if you want to google it, I'm sure)
Even though it is the year that I graduated from pharmacy school, it's really more what happened after school that deserves the title. I started caring more and more about only the necessities, and let my luxuries slide away. New clothes? nah, work most of the time anyways and I've got plenty of dress shirts (when was the last time we all really went out?) Good food? nah, I just need something that'll sustain my body and is at least wholesome-looking enough that I can rationalize not actually getting off my lazy butt and start cooking for myself. Anything that blings? nah, I'm just gonna save money, 'cause I really don't know what to with it anyways. Girls? eh, that alone deserves another post.
What I really spent money on after school ended was my new computer, which I got because I wanted to play starcraft 2. I guess you can count that toward something that I spoiled myself with, but for a while there, even that became sort of like a job. (I did spend such a ridiculous time on it).
It's funny how things work out, but dave told me about this taiwanese girl who was actually sc2 champion of the world (ok, maybe not, but it was like a 14 countries tournament). And the thing is, she is actually hot. I had never fully conceived the idea that a there can be a girl out there that likes starcraft as much as I do, and is good looking.
And it's not important that there is this girl out there who is hot and taiwanese and is good at sc2, but that the idea of her existing made me want to get up the next morning. I think it was exciting because it was me realizing that there is another person out there that I am attracted to, who is equally, if not more, passionate about something I am passionate about.
I've long since realized that it's unlikely to meet her in person, which was sad, but she helped me remember what is feels like to want to wake up each day and start my day, which is not something I've experienced in a long while (insert sad face here). I think it's good to want to wake up and start your day. It's good to feel passionate about something, anything, even if it's not the social norm, or even if other people you care about don't share the same views. So on that note, I will make a list of things I shall be passionate about this year:
1. Candace Bailey on AOTS. Because starting a list out with a girl is very me. And because while she is not olivia munn, she shouldn't have to be. She will wear her own shoe.
2. Being healthy. I've already went to the gym twice this week, and that is 2 times more than I've gone in the past 2 months, if not 3.
3. Starcraft, because it's not good to start then quit.
4. Enriching myself. with what? I don't know. Sounds sensual/slightly-gay? You betcha and I don't give a damn. All about absorbing positive energy and being a better person? *ding ding ding* tell him what he's won, Johnny!
I think I'll stop at 4. Too many things and I tend to lose focus, 4 is almost 3 too many (and you're probably wondering which one I would've picked if my list stopped at 1, I guess we'll never know).
I guess this means I better start paying more attention to pretty girls, maybe even *gasp* socialize with them, in the name of leading a passionate life, that is. Talk to beautiful girls, enjoy the beautiful contours of... their handbags, reel in the sight of their nurturing and supple... hands (yes, look up the definition of supple). I will do all this, in the name of leading a more passionate life...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Probably Claire
So I was cleaning out my car a little bit today, and I found a single long strand of black hair.
I wasn't quite sure who it was that left there hair in my car, but I did conclude one thing:
there are certain problems that are not so bad to have.
maybe sometimes when you have problems, it just means you're going somewhere, or that you're making progress.
I'd rather have to clean up strands of hair than not have to, because it means someone was sitting there, and she left an imprint of her presence there.
I'd rather have to clean my car than not having to, because it means I at least have a car to clean.
I'd rather have to do this presentation than not having to, because it means I have a chance to help update pharmacists on the most current updates.
ok maybe not so much on the last one.
Oh and I decided to name my car lindsie. I think she's been with me long enough to earn a name now.
I wasn't quite sure who it was that left there hair in my car, but I did conclude one thing:
there are certain problems that are not so bad to have.
maybe sometimes when you have problems, it just means you're going somewhere, or that you're making progress.
I'd rather have to clean up strands of hair than not have to, because it means someone was sitting there, and she left an imprint of her presence there.
I'd rather have to clean my car than not having to, because it means I at least have a car to clean.
I'd rather have to do this presentation than not having to, because it means I have a chance to help update pharmacists on the most current updates.
ok maybe not so much on the last one.
Oh and I decided to name my car lindsie. I think she's been with me long enough to earn a name now.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Life is too short to...
Life is too short...
* to let fear hold you back from the things you want in life
* to be annoyed at other people's shortcomings
* to not live life to the fullest
* to not embrace the present
* to not strive for the best
* to live in the past
* to be serious all the time
* to spend your life fulfilling someone else's dream
* to stay angry, or afraid, for that matter.
* to not try new things
* to watch other people dance
* to not make mistakes
* to not love with your whole heart
* to let fear hold you back from the things you want in life
* to be annoyed at other people's shortcomings
* to not live life to the fullest
* to not embrace the present
* to not strive for the best
* to live in the past
* to be serious all the time
* to spend your life fulfilling someone else's dream
* to stay angry, or afraid, for that matter.
* to not try new things
* to watch other people dance
* to not make mistakes
* to not love with your whole heart
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I am
I was part of something amazing when I was in Taiwan. But it really didn't occur to me until later how amazing it was.
We were up in the mountains at a church retreat. Way, way up in the boonies; winding roads and clear streams of river. People that have lived there since who knows when. The bus ride up there alone was one of the MOST fun experiences I've had while I was in taiwan.
The whole lot of us were playing in the river; some of us sun bathing, others swimming, still others jumping off the rocks into the deep end of the river. We all tried to stay close together, as none of us really knew the river, and it was rapid and strong at certain points, places that we didn't know.
One of the younger boys that I grew up with in church was jumping off the rocks into the river. As he hit the water, he came up and started yelling, "HELP! HELP!"
there was a moment of silence. I think some of us were waiting for him to stop joking around and crack out a smile, maybe most of us. No one wanted this to be an authentic cry for help. Most of us were rationalizing as to what to do next. Most of us hesitated.
Before any of us fully understood what had happened, another person had jumped into the cold river. Not everyone had caught who it was that jumped in, but for those of us who had, we knew it was his older brother.
Their mother was standing right by the shore. Her heart sank.
He swam to his brother, and slowly, began to swim him back to shore. And just as abruptly as it started, it ended swiftly.
Except for the mother. Maybe it lasted an eternity for her.
We came to find out later on that the boy had been studying a lot for exams, and hadn't really had time to exercise or take care of himself, and apparently had a cramp in the cold water, and maybe had problem breathing.
When it first happened, I wondered if I wasn't as brave as I thought I was, or maybe I was really a coward. I wondered if I had known all the info, would I have acted differently?
But as time went on, I focused more and more on the things that did happen, and why they happened. I put myself in that position, and I realized that it probably wouldn't have happened any other way, because when it comes to recognizing someone's cry for help, there is no better person than a brother. There's not much rationalization that goes into risking your life to save your brother, it is instinctual, and thus the fastest. While the rest of us are still on "what's going on?", he has already assessed the situation, made the call, and jumped in.
And maybe it wasn't as methodical as I described it here, but the more I think about it, the more certain I am that it wouldn't have happened any other way, because the thought of losing that part of you is unbearable.
So you jump.
You are at your BEST when you have someone to protect.
Are you lucky enough to have someone that you love?
We were up in the mountains at a church retreat. Way, way up in the boonies; winding roads and clear streams of river. People that have lived there since who knows when. The bus ride up there alone was one of the MOST fun experiences I've had while I was in taiwan.
The whole lot of us were playing in the river; some of us sun bathing, others swimming, still others jumping off the rocks into the deep end of the river. We all tried to stay close together, as none of us really knew the river, and it was rapid and strong at certain points, places that we didn't know.
One of the younger boys that I grew up with in church was jumping off the rocks into the river. As he hit the water, he came up and started yelling, "HELP! HELP!"
there was a moment of silence. I think some of us were waiting for him to stop joking around and crack out a smile, maybe most of us. No one wanted this to be an authentic cry for help. Most of us were rationalizing as to what to do next. Most of us hesitated.
Before any of us fully understood what had happened, another person had jumped into the cold river. Not everyone had caught who it was that jumped in, but for those of us who had, we knew it was his older brother.
Their mother was standing right by the shore. Her heart sank.
He swam to his brother, and slowly, began to swim him back to shore. And just as abruptly as it started, it ended swiftly.
Except for the mother. Maybe it lasted an eternity for her.
We came to find out later on that the boy had been studying a lot for exams, and hadn't really had time to exercise or take care of himself, and apparently had a cramp in the cold water, and maybe had problem breathing.
When it first happened, I wondered if I wasn't as brave as I thought I was, or maybe I was really a coward. I wondered if I had known all the info, would I have acted differently?
But as time went on, I focused more and more on the things that did happen, and why they happened. I put myself in that position, and I realized that it probably wouldn't have happened any other way, because when it comes to recognizing someone's cry for help, there is no better person than a brother. There's not much rationalization that goes into risking your life to save your brother, it is instinctual, and thus the fastest. While the rest of us are still on "what's going on?", he has already assessed the situation, made the call, and jumped in.
And maybe it wasn't as methodical as I described it here, but the more I think about it, the more certain I am that it wouldn't have happened any other way, because the thought of losing that part of you is unbearable.
So you jump.
You are at your BEST when you have someone to protect.
Are you lucky enough to have someone that you love?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)